Should I stay in bed longer?
Stay longer in bed or not? – past
Roll over Mar or jump over Martin?
Leave this pen, have a byte of toast with cream cheese or not? – present
Left or right? – present
Coffee or just continue writing? – present
Play music while writing or not? – present
Juat continue writing until I feel this makes any sense or not? – present
Stop questioning myself what the other two will write about the embodiment or not? – present
— reached a point of satisfaction – relax a bit –
– PAUSE –
Time for boiled eggs or just stick to the writing? – present
It is so cold in this kitchen. My cold always gets starts from my feet. It’s spreading over my legs reaching the upper part.
Warm coffee helps.
Circulation is still slow. I can feel it.
Washing machine is already spinning.
I will leave the bathroom window closed so inside it can will stay warmer once I decide to take a shower. – FUTURE
Numbness. But pleasant numbness.
Almost feels like
My Head feels as is as big as a distance between myself sitting on a chair in the kitchen and the tree outside. The same. One big A flat surface with the filled with sounds of cars and washing machine coming in.
Martin is awake… or Daniel? – present
embodiment_sensations recorded_stored impressions_
Flash_back: The first dance company I worked for was called embodiment, takes me back to the very beginning of dancing_ flash back: Africa 1990: electric short cut, Accra is pitch back, I am lying on my back on a mat out of stay in the yard of the house I am staying in, listening o Bach on my walkman; the sky is magnificent, endless indigo void entering my body, I feel the void entering my body, endless blue inside of me, remind me of when as a child I was trying to count the number of stars, falling asleep, pulled by the impossibility of counting the stars. The sky situated inside of me, expanding.
Flach_back I am falling asleep, the act of falling is gorgeous, I am trying to stay in the state of falling, resisting the unconsciousness of sleep; stay awake a little longer, fall again, wake up again a little, start falling again.
Flash_back: I am pressing on a mole on my body and can feel how it connects to another mole of my body, I press there and I can feel a tingling electric sensation that connects to another mole on my skin…a network of connections on my skin…I am puzzled and delighted.
Embodiment: I enter a studio, a place where I teach, I immediately feel the change physically and mentally; my body remembering its function as teacher, immediately becoming an instrument of work, I don’t like this!
Active embodiment: trying to make things happen on a corporeal level ( corporeal: the mentally inhabited flesh; What happens once I embody something? The flesh coloring the quality of mental engagement with what surrounds me. Flash_back: I am watching performances, the way the performers hurts my body, my body trying to imitate what I see… a strange feeling..my body cannot agree to what it perceives, it simply hurts, Even if I don agree to what I see, it still enters myself…what a vulnerable state that is…gotta work on protecting , gotta learn how to enact with what I see and not feel so deeply…I feel way too open.
Embodying: learning to think through my body, learning to think with my body, letting my body have a reaction to idea, not serving the ideals only, learning about how to negotiate between ideas and corporeal status quo…
Flash_back: I am teaching and I look at my students. whenever I watch somebody, the body of that person seems to protect itself from my critical eyes…Over the years i have learned how to communicate through my gaze differently… generous eyes, benign eyes, supportive gaze, patient eyes.
Flash_back. Task 14: during the performance in Zagreb, I am strongly thinking of my father, I am touching a white piece of cloth, suddenly I see the dead body of my dad, layed out in hs coffin in the chapel at the cemetery_ my body remembers the last touch , saying good-bye to daddy_immediately my touching of the white cloth becomes the memory of touching the white, cold, pale skin_ I am speechless_my body took over completely_
Embodying_ seems like my body becomes a thinking matter, thinking much more quickly than y mind, in a second it can transport me back over time, a span of 40 years traveled in a second.
Embodying_enacting with what surrounds me_ as if loops: bodily memory becoming real. the feeling that once was emerges towards the surface of my present feeling.
Embodying_a way to change the way I think; thinking-feeling while enacting with something outside of myself, with people, objects, material , thought s and concepts.
Embodying_Flash_black: 1991: i na workshop, a teacher tells me that dancing is the ability of learning how to fly_at night, I dream: I am in a medieval tower as big as the empire state building. I am inside on the top floor, I jump and fall, it’s a great feeling, shortly before hitting the floor I see a light shining through a window at the bottom floor; I fly through it: suddenly when exiting the darkness of the tower, I turn into a falcon, the sun hits my wings, I am flying through a vast desert, finding my way to my family home, saying good-bye.